Elop’s email to employees in a nutshell
Microsoft’s strategy is to have guys like me writing engaging letters to you. That’s why I like to use terms like “light up” and “confluence” sprinkled with a smattering of corporatespeak like “Microsoft’s digital work and digital life experiences”. Oh I do like that one, that’s a great one, I’ll use that again “Microsoft’s digital work and digital life experiences”.
There, that’s really gotten me in to the mood. Okay let’s get to the nitty gritty.
Alignment of strategies yaadayaada, productivity blaahblaah, building on our strengths and so on and so forth. Did I already mention align? No? Okay, let’s align the thisimy to the thatimy.
Then I’d like to mention teams, teams are very important. It’s an effective word, which implies that I’m with you on this journey as part of a… what’s the word? Ah yes, team. So that’s why I like to go with the word team. I will admit that my $25 million bonus for destroying Nokia does put a little bit of distance between you dear reader and me, but let’s not dwell on the past. Anyway everyone knows I needed that bonus for my divorce settlement with my ex-wife. THE BITCH!!!
But I digress. I do like the use of the word team so much that I’ve used it a full 18 times in this one single email. Yes 18! So team every body, we’re a team. Can I get a T-E-A-M, TEAM!!! Yes! Great, well done teamsters and remember! There’s no “I” in “team” but there is an “E” and we all know what that stands for: Elop. Yes that’s right. Go get ‘em team.
12500 of you will be fired.
There’s one more thing I’d like you to focus on and that’s focus, if you focus on your focus it’ll improve your focus. That’s why I’ve used the word focus 12 times in this letter. So let’s keep focusing and make the effort to focus team. Eyes on the prize baby, eyes on the prize. Focus.